The Grand Finale: Karnataka's Reality of Reality Shows

And now, ladies and gentlemen, after weeks of drama, data and a "dabba" app, we arrive at the Grand Finale of Who Wants to Be Classified? — the only show where everyone is a contestant, nobody volunteered, and the prize is madakke kelsa illa, kudiyoke ganji illa.

In a thrilling twist, the State Government has declared itself the winner — for successfully conducting a survey that no one asked for, on an app that no one could open, using data that no one will ever verify. The audience, otherwise known as mooka prekshakaru, is cheering in disbelief, muttering “idu yava nataka guru?”

Enumerators return from the field like war veterans, armed with stories of broken GPS, missing OTPs and divine beings that refused to reveal their jati. Teachers, who once shaped the future of young kids, now master the sacred art of tracing gotra in MS Excel. Bureaucrats celebrate “digital efficiency” while WhatsApp screenshot serves as official proof of governance.

And as the closing credits roll, our mahaguru intones:

“e vishaada ganadalli ondondu note count agutte. yaru miss madangilla. elru jati mata gotra helibidi. hattu moote akki kodthini, beko beda?”

The anchor chimes in with, “thank you mahagurugale!”

And the curtain falls on this ₹420-crore JMGK (Jati Mata Gotra Karnataka) of bureaucracy. The data drifts away into the crashed server, perhaps never to return. The poor, the backward, and the forward remain exactly where they were — only now, officially tagged, scanned, and confused.

Season One ends, but fear not — Who Wants to Be Classified? has already been renewed for another season. Coming soon: The Reservation Remix – Reloaded with Error Codes.
Stay tuned, pirends!

~ ಕೃಷ್ಣಪ್ರಕಾಶ ಬೊಳುಂಬು